mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Randomize
