smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Randomize
