Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Randomize
