just come out here and I will go home with you...
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Randomize
