I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
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