these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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