He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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