I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Randomize
