very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
