my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
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