hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
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