he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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