I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
