I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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