so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Randomize
