Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
