I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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