Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Randomize
