My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
