i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Randomize
