wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
