I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
I cut my penus on the lid.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Randomize
