all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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