Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Randomize
