You can't special order awesome
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
