i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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