It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
