His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
