My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
