So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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