Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
I am in a vortex of obligation.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Randomize
