I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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