He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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