what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Randomize
