Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Randomize
