So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Randomize
