It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
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