I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Randomize
