You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
