I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
Of course I have a pirate flag
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
