that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
