No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Randomize
