I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
