Im at strip club and am horny
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
my poor anus
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Randomize
