well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
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