if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize