You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Randomize
