Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Randomize
