Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Randomize
