You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
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