the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
