Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(330): View more from Ohio

now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me

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(214): View more from Texas

Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.

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(607): View more from New York

do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand

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(904): View more from Florida

I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day

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(574): View more from Indiana

I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.

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(207): View more from Maine

you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.

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(712): View more from Iowa

Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.

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(210): View more from Texas

Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"

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(586): View more from Michigan

I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now

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