so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
