Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
It's blow job season.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Randomize
