YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
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just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
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I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
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