i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Randomize
