is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Randomize
