I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
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