I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
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