I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
