Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
