Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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