Im at strip club and am horny
Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
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