Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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