People with herpes should wear stickers.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Randomize
