Jerry, you need to find god
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
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