I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
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