I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Randomize
