I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Randomize
