I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
